Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Alvin & The Chipmunks

Dear Alvin & The Chipmunks & Britney & the Chipettes,
I absolutly love your music & movie films. They fill me With joy year after year. Except the new CGI Chipmunks. whose idea was that? well, it wasnt a good one. does any Telly Channels show Alvin & The Chipmunks in the afternoon anymore?? Please tell me yes. Would It be possible to obtain an autographed Picture of the Chipmunks And/Or the Chipettes? please??? I'll Frame it & treasure it with all my heart.
Love,Heidi L
PS, I hear there will be a 2nd CGI chipmunk movie. Cancel that. make a cartoon sequal to "the chipmunk adventure"
PPS. I had to go to 4 Differant stores to obtain "The Chipmunk Adventure" DVD

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Cheesecake Factory

Hello Cheesecake Factory,
i was dining at your establishment yesterday during the lunch hour. i had high hopes. what a poor idea that was. first of all why must your menu be littered with advertisements? are you really hurting for money that much that you feel the need to distract me with ads about teddybears & pants? after i moved on past that fiasco of a menu i selected a "iced mocha" for my beverage and as a professional former barista let me tell you this drink was not up to par. for my lunch selection i chose "spicy ahi tempura rolls" this is the same lunch i had for my birthday lunch last month. during my birthday luncheon i was delighted and suprised! my heart melted with joy. Yesterday however, i was sorely disapointed at the dismal tempura rolls i recieved. first of all i had to wait about 10 minutes to even consume due to the fact that the waiter forgot to bring chopsticks, then when chopsticks were requested, i was told right away only to find out they had been forgoten once again. once i was finally able to enjoy my lunch i quickly found out that i could not enjoy my lunch becuase it just wasnt good. i am saddened and disapointed.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

KFC (2)

Hello Kentucky Fried Chicken,My Mama and I went to KFC today for lunch like we normally do, becuase we are crazy for chicken & mashed potatoes. We dont normally go out just the two of us, so it was delightful. We ordered our usaul #7 becuase we fear change & are simply unwilling to try new things.As we aproached your dining establishment, we noticed a group of middle aged people in business attire snapping photos of the drive thru, this struck me as odd. Nonetheless we proceeded in the building were we saw yet another large group of people in business attire, once again we found this odd. they were swarming the register area, so i feared that perhaps we had walked in a "Oprah Chicken Riot". (yeah, thats right i saw the choas on the news regarding Ms. Winfreys free chicken dinner plan for the country, let me say it was handled poorley, did oprah do this on her own or did someone fail misarably at exacuting this promotion). then after further observation i can to discover ... that these people were manager type people for KFC. As a former Vons employee i understand how irrating and unnessary these "visits" are. back to my story, i would like to know why there was such a commotion in KFC. I asked an Employee to explain the current situation, he said "nothing was going on". Clearly a lie, and a poor one at that. i continued to observe what appeared to be Corporate Employees, all i saw them to was snack on various items. Including but not limited to Brownies. (really, kfc y'all got dessert now? what a hoot!). I Quickly became annoyed about the fact that these employees were taking up all seats and table, leaving no where for the consumer to sit down and enjoy there meal. with out the consumer these bozos wouldnt have a job. I do suggest that you always have tulips on the tables though, it gave KFC a 5 star vibe, very classy!
thank you. and see that the "oprah Chicken" situation is handled promptly, its really embarassing for your company to let a simple promotion get this out of hand. i however will not be participating due to the fact that the grilled chicken looks putrid.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Vh1

Dear VH1,
I would like to tell you about a marvelous show idea. My friend Heidi and I are your next VH1 stars. We are HUGE fans of everyone on VH1, you know the reality stars.We talk about them all day long and we watch every show. But we are equally hilarious. We get into crazy adventures. Think of as the simple life only with more fun girls. I mean really you should have came to us a while back. I really think your viewers need people they can relate to, just give us some cameras and we will make you millions. Everything we do is a stitch. You know the Hills? Those people are so boring and lame, VH1 you can beat out the ratings on Mondays with some hip fun girls who are exciting. Jump on the bandwagon. It really is an offer you can't refuse.

Thanks,
Eva Jaeger-Boehmer

Monday, May 11, 2009

In N Out

Hello In-N-Out
why don't y'all deliver, i am sick and dont feel like leaving. but a burger sounds sooooo good. I didnt hear the rumor of lowering prices on October 22nd. What a silly Rumor, In-N_out is cheap. well compared to some other places. oh thank you for not having a "Value menu" how tacky are "value menus" uughhh. oh and also thank you for not opening 5000 locations. and thank you for never ever opening in a walmart. lets see what else??? ummm....thank you for being a friend.

Quiznos

Hello Friends at Quiznos,
I am not a fan of making things "MMM MM MMM toasty". Must i get my Sandwich Toasted??? My mom just thinks your sandys are the cats meow, i dont get it. i do like that raspberry lemonade thing. can i buy large quanities of that? i would really enjoy that. why dont the sandwichs always taste the same? its really weird. some employees do a better job then others. everyone should be the same y'all.
i think your store is cute

FAO Schwartz

Hello Friends at FAO Schwartz,
Congratutions on not biting the dust like KB toys. but really who like KB toys? no one.
I remember seeing your store in "Home Alone 2" (which was much better then the original, i mean, am i right?). it looks so magical. Unfortunatly i have never been to the big apple so i really wouldnt know.
I do live in Vegas so I have a FAO store very close to me at Caesars Palace. and i find it to be amusing. expect that large horse thing that you call a door. it is absolutly frightning. well, i am afraid of horses anyways. Oh then the horse's head moves. It sends shivers down my spine.
okay, lets stop rambling and get to the real issues here. do you know where i can locate pogs?? seriously? pogs? i want some, but i believe that they are no longer in production. Yes, i could go on ebay. But i think we both Know Ebay is full of Sickos. So, that is clearly out of the question.
thank you for looking into this important issue.

Candy Land

Hello friends at Candy land,
First off, let me say that Candy Land has changed my life for the better. It is my lifelong dream to be just like Queen Frostine. she is soooo precious. i always thought her and the peppermint stick man (i forgot his name) should of gone on a date.
anyways, a little birdie told me that a CandyLand movie is in the works. can you confirm or deny this?? I dont mean on of those straight to video movies, but like, a real go to theatres movie. if this is not in the works i suggest it becomes "in the works".
thank you for your time.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Push Ups Ice Cream

Hello Nestle Ice Cream,
Why do Push-Ups ice cream treats no longer feature the Flintstones??? I love the Flintstones, especially Pebbles, in fact sometimes i do my hair like Pebbles. Push-Ups now have Scooby Do on them. no one really like Scooby Do, am i right??? i think so.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Sports Chalet

Hello Sports Chalet
i'm glad you'll take me to the limit. anyways i generally shop in a las vegas location and as you know vegas doesnt have any teams. so it is understandable why would would carry team merchandise from surrounding states. Colorado is not that far. where is the denver nuggets stuff? why am i the only one that likes the nuggets. you have a HUGE selection of lakers stuff, which my dad likes for some odd reason. But i hate the lakers. i HATE them. i want to punch kobe bryant. okay, i really doubt you care, so i'll get back to my point. hook up the vegas stores with sweet denver nuggets stuff. thanks.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Toys R Us

hello toy r us,
i recently joined your "birthday club" i was under the impression that i would be recieveing a suprise as well as a call from Geoffrey. i recieved neither. i am not gonna lie, i am disapointed, deeply disapointed. is it becuase i just turn 22? am i too old for your "elite birthday club". i didn't think so. seeing as at 22 i still shop in your store, for all my Smurf needs.
thank you for looking into this matter

Mr. Bubble

Hello Mr. Bubble,
you make bath time so much fun for me. i mean bath time is already fun but you really add alot to it. i am an adult now and i still like mr. bubble. why doesnt the bubble bath come with stickers or temporary tattoos anymore? i really miss those.
I just understnad why kids dont like baths? do they like being dirty? thats not kosher.
Continue to bring bubbles & joy into the world.

Jane Pratt

Hello Jane Pratt,
I first of would like to say I am a big fan. I unfortunatly was a little too young for sassy magazine, but i hear it was amazing. well, i read the "How Sassy changed my Life" book. I however was a fan of Jane Magazine for many many years. Actaully it was the only womans magazine i read as a teen. I was absolutly devastated when it folded. I no longer has something to look forward to each month.
I know now is not the brightest time to start a new magazine due to the current economic climate but i really wish you would. I believe I read somewhere that you were hatching ideas for a new magazine. Write a book or something. Throw me a bone here!
Thank you for Reading this. Long Live Jane.

Spin Magazine

Hello Spin Magazine,
I have a bone to pick with you. i was just tooling around on Spin.com and i was flipping through a thing entitled "25 best covers of the last 25 years". I was sure that i would see the 1996 (coulda been 1997) cover that was supposed to feature No Doubt but instead only featured Gwen Stefani. But i didnt see that one included in your little list. why? Are you aware the pain you caused No Doubt by putting on her on the cover was the inspriation for the video "Don't Speak"? I think that is more then enough reason to have that included. Instead you have a cover featuring The Killers. Seriously? The Killers? People like them? I don't. They are from Vegas like me and I am ashamed that a band that shares a hometown with me would produce such garbage.
I think you need to apoligize to No Doubt for upsetting there apple cart.
Yes, I know No Doubt is on the cover of the current issue. Can i have a poster of the cover. If you can send me a poster of a No Doubt (or gwen) Cover i will forgive you.
have the most enjoyable of days and i look forward to hearing from you.

Whole Foods

Hello Whole Foods,
did you know that you are the offical grocery store of white people? its true. the book "stuff white people like" had nothing but kind words for your upscale supermarket. so of course i had to check it out considering i am in fact white.so i went to the whole foods at town square in Las Vegas Nevada. I have no idea who thought it would be a good idea to put a grocery store in a mall, but thats besides the fact. You know now that i think of it, i beleive that the people that devolped Town Square truely believe it is a town, when in reality you and I know this is untrue, its a mall. Back on track, good god o'mighty did i have a great time in your store. it was absolutly breath taking. No wonder white folks just go crazy for all the francy organic goodness.Bravo! Continue to be elite.

Samsung

Hello Samsung Electronics Company,
When i was about 13 my parents bought me a dvd player. that was about 10 years ago when dvd players were still cool. my understanding now is that DVD players are on the way out, just like the good old VCR. I have adored and Tresured my DVD player for 10 years now. However, recently it started getting ghetto on me. I was trying to watch "The Hills Season 3" (um, I mean i dont like that show...) anywho your little DVD player told me that there was no disc inside. i know for absolute certinity that there was infact a disc inside. i could hear it spinning right round round. like a record. so i turned off the dvd player and tried again, same problem. finally after about 15 trys (i am unemployeed so i have alot of free time) it finally played. i wish i could get a new DVD player, so i can toss my Hoopty DVD player out.oh that model number i chose for this email is most likely incorrect due to the fact that i have to wonder how the hell i would know the model number. however the purchase date is correct.

Blockbuster

Dear friends at Blockbuster Video,
Do people actaully still flock to your stores? do people actaully rent movies? I think VHS is due for a comeback, those were simplier days. i am a former hollywood video employee and we used to get blockbuster dvd's in our drop box all the time, which was always very confusing considering there was not a blockbuster store near us. I just can't imagine anyone actaully taking the time to go to a blockbuster store.i have felt this way for a while, them BAM a new one opened up down the street. how is this possible i thought you closed alot of stores. if you feel foe finacial reasons that you should close stores then why in gods name would you open a new one?by the way, your website is several shades of confusing.


Hi Heidi,Thank you for contacting Blockbuster Customer Care.

I'm sorry that you find some "shades" in our website confusing and I understand your concern regarding the current financial crises.

We take feedback and suggestions seriously and welcome them as a valuable tool needed to improve the quality of our service. I've submitted your feedback regarding out website to the appropriate department for review.
Blockbuster Inc. is a leading global provider of in-home movie and game entertainment, with more than 7,500 stores throughout the Americas, Europe, Asia and Australia. Blockbuster continues to make significant progress with our efforts to transform the company into a multi-channel provider of entertainment. In this regard, the Company has hired the law firm of Kirkland & Ellis LLP to advise it with respect to its ongoing financing and capital raising initiatives, not bankruptcy as was reported by some news media outlets.

Additional information is available from the Investor section of the Company's web site at http://investor.blockbuster.com.

I hope you visit the newly opened store and check what we have to offer to you. You may sign up for a membership. Just bring two forms of major ID such as driver license, credit card, social security card, utility bill, etc. Sign up is quick, easy, and free.
Please let me know if there is anything else I can do for you.Always here to help,JeromeBlockbuster Customer Care

The Village Pub

Hello,
I am quite the regular customer at your Village Pub Bar. In fact you could say its like cheers where everybody knows my name. its quite amusing. would you like to know whats not amusing the dull music that is being pumped into the speakers at the bar. Seriously this is a bar not a library. i do not need to hear celine dion. as much as i love "Wind Beneath My Wings" it is innapropiate for cocktail hour. Can't we hear more entertaining music. How about Classic Rock everyone likes that. No one likes soft rock execpt those who are near death.
What sort of nut picked out the playlist? its horribly upsetting to me. i demand change in the music at the village pub or will take my money elsewhere. and that other place will not be playing such god awful music.
thank you for looking into this important matter.

Mission Tortillas

Hello Mission Tortillas,
Let me complement you on a delightful product. But i have a confession, i cannot make a qusadilla to save my life. it seems simple enough but i fail time after time. i mean for gods sake its a tortilla with cheese in the middle. how do i mess this up? god only knows. but i will continue to try even though now all i expect is failure. I think i need to walk to the supermarket and get some tortillas now, sometimes i eat them straight out of the bag. Where are Tortillas made? mexico? well mexico is what i would assume.
cool. well have a fun day!

Captain Morgan

Good Day Captain Morgan,
How are you on this glorious Friday afternoon? I wanted to let you know that i saw you at the supermarket once and it improved my day a great deal. I really enjoy your rum, it tastes so good with coke. yum yum. The Captain has been apart of many curious evenings.
In fact i may have a little captian in me now....

Cartoon Network

Hello Cartoon Network,
Is there some reason why you no longer air "Garfield and Friends". I dont know if you know this, but on Garfield the fun never ends. well, at least it didnt end until you pulled the plug.
also, a small animal informed me that "The Office: UK" is coming to adult swim. can you confirm this?
have an enjoyable day

Little Miss Texas

Hello Little Miss Texas Pageant
I am currently 22. Does this make me too old to enter your elite pageant? i look really young. and i am very tiny. My Mama never entered me into pageants when i was younger and now i am terrified that my ship has sailed.
please let me know if i can enter it would simply mean the world to me.

Ford

Hello Ford Motor Cars,
I think its high time for the Ford Pinto to make a return! The Pinto is such a sweet ride. I have been trying relentlessly to obtain one. it could be a lot easier for me if you could put the Pinto in production again. Yeah, so it would set on fire. I personally like living on the edge. think about it, the Pinto is the future of Fine Motor Cars that can be manufatured by your great american company.
Oh and sorry that y'all need so many bailouts, thats sucks. i hope you can make it though the embarasment.

Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf

Hello Friends at Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf
words cannot explain how much i love your company. what a treat! as a former starbucks employee you would think my devotion would be with them. well, you'd be wrong. don't worry i let starbucks know that i love you more. and quite honestly i dont think they were concerned, or perhaps they were just being coy in there vague responce to my confession.
please continue to make delectable beverages. i cant wait until my next visit.

Pringles

Hello Pringles,
whats the name of the attractive man on the pringle can? is it Mr. Pringle? I think my friend Eva would like a moustace like his. okay sorry i am getting off topic.
I am writing you today in regards to a very alaraming product i found on the selves of my local supermarket. "pickle" flavored pringles. Ummm Seriously? what bozo came up with that one. I believe there is a Baked potato on too, but i am not sure. but i am sure i saw a "Pickle" one and nearly lost my lunch. I have not tried such product and i dont believe i will. I cannot stand pickles and honestly i think they are obscene. really they are. i just want to know why someone thought this was a good idea?
whats next? tell me??? everytime you have a new flavor it just becomes more strange.
Now you wanna talk about a delicious pringle? have the BBQ ones YUMMY! i could eat the BBQ ones all day!
thank you for taking the time to look into this alarming "Pickle" situation.

Thank you for contacting us, Heidi. The Pringles recipe, along with the Mr. Pringles icon started in 1956. We apprecieate you took to the time to share how much you love the flavor of our BBQ Pringles! We try to offer a wide variety of flavors to please as many people as possible. Please be assured I'm sharing your comments with the rest of our team. Thanks again for writing. Rose Pringles Team

TV Land

Dear TV Land,
there are a couple things on my mind. First of all a Brady Bunch Reunion would be amazing! i understand Mike Brady would be unable to make it due to his death. However, i am sure marcia and jan and the rest of the gang would be excited. well maybe not marcia, i read her book and she wasnt to fond of the whole bunch.
seondly, a little birdie told me that "Roseanne" is coming to TV Land this summer! Boy, that is Fantastic! i love that show. mainly i love it, becuase i love white trash.
Thirdly, what is the point of the TV Land awards? Can you honor the golden girls for life time achievement? becuase if anyone should be honored for Achievement its my girls Dorothy, Rose, Blanche & sophia. don't you think?
Forthly, Why is "3rd rock from the sun" on your line up. No one actaully watches that show do they? it is not a "modern classic" its a "modern nusence"
.well, i hope you have a great day and i look forward to hearing from you! toodles!

TLC: The Learning Channel

Hello The Learning Channel,
as i am sure you know i am writing in regards to "jon & kate plus 8". i don't honestly believe that they like each other, i think the 8 kids have caused them to resent each other. and we all know what jon was doing at the legends lounge with his "lady friend". Come on, they need to own up becuase we all know that USweekly & Star publish nothing but the truth. and while we are discussing these two unloving bozos can we talk about kates haircut? what is that? why doesnt it move? Oh and someone please let her know that chunky highlites are soooo 1998.
thank you for taking time out of your day to allow me to voice my opinion.

Chuck E Cheese

Hello Chuck E Cheese,
I really enjoy your resterant/party zone. i have made many many memorable memories at chuck e cheese since about 1990. recently becuase i am 22 i feel silly going there especially without kids (although i did go with kids once and people looked at me like i was a teenage mother. how embarassing)i think you should have aldults only after hours partys, so we adult can get all the enjoyment of chuck e cheese with out the irratation of screaming children.
thank you for examining this important matter!

Progressive Auto Insurance

Dear Progressive,
i find your commercials to be mind numbingly irratating. who is this "flo"? is she hopped up on pills? if i never see her again it will be okay with me and i am sure countless others.

Jif Peanut Butter

Hello Jif,
you say "choosey moms choose Jif" i dont think my mom did, but then again i was never a big fan of peanut butter. However, is peanut butter still poisonous? e coli? salmanella? its so sad, becuase even though like i said i am not the biggest peanut butter fan i still like those neon orange crackers with the peanut butter sheet inside. and now i cant find them. although my dad did find them once, i ate them i havnt died yet so i think they are okay. i just figured y'all were the authority on peanut butter so you would know.

Meow Mix

I want chicken, I want liver, Meow mix, Meow mix please deliver. Like, last week a cat wandered into my home, i named her gwen and gave her food. she left a few days later, and is currently m.i.a. anyways i wanted to compliment you on the cutest jingle ever. i was delighted to hear it when i stumbled upon meowmix.com. does baxter the cat still sing the song or is it a new cat?

Daisy Sour Cream

Hello Friends at Daisy Sour Cream
i would like to thank you for bring the word "dollop" back into the lives of young people. i cannot hear that word with out thinking "do a dollop of daisy" it still remains unclear what a "dollop" is.i often see your delightful advertisements during &th heaven on the hallmark channel. i mean, i do not watch that show.
i really find sour cream to be sickening but i like your commercials. if you could find another thing for me to use a "dollop" of besides sour cream i would be greatful.
have a fantastic day!


May 13, 2009Control ID: 28495Dear Heidi, Thank you for contacting Daisy Brand regarding our jingle. The word dollop is in the dictionary and has the meaning of a spoon-sized quantity of a thick liquid or a soft solid such as ice cream or sour cream. I hope this information helps to answer your question. Please visit our website often for delicious tasting recipes using our product. There might be one that turns out to be a family favorite or one that will change your taste buds into liking our sour cream!Regards, Becky WaszgisDaisy Brand Consumer Relations

The Hallmark Channel (Again)

hello Hallmark channel,
i wrote to you recently about "the golden girls" i believe you have failed to write me back. but i can double check.anyways, today lets discuss "7th heaven". this has got to be one of the most embarassing shows ever, but i cant stop watching. i have been a closet (but avid nontheless) fan since 1997. it occured to me i never saw the final season, due to the fact that i temporarly had a life and things to do. well dont worry that has stopped.
by the way 7th heaven is on during the perfect time of day so i can enjoy it while eating lunch.
thank you

Lean Cuisine

hello friends at lean cuisine,
i absolutly adore your delightful frozen entrees. they are good at all times of the day not just dinner. i particularly like the ones with shrimp. yum, i could eat shrimp all day long. my companion josh says i love shrimp so much becuase flamingos like shrimp and i love flamingos.
i wish my neighborhood market would put lean cuisines on sale more. if these dinners were cheaper i could buy and consume more. i am on unemployment so i really have to stretch the dollar. and i just simply unwilling to eat "budget gourmet". ick!
have a super day!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Chex Mix

Hello Chex Mix

what are those bread things inside chex mix? i am not a fan. other then that i find chex mix to be a delicous treat. except the honey one, no wait the cheese one. weird. i think you should create "just chex" a bag of chex mix with just the seasoned cereal pieces. yes, i know i could make it myself with the recipes you have kindly provided me. but i dont cook, and i am not planning to start.
thank you for looking into this important matter.

Mazda

Hello Mazda,
why was the mazda 626 discontinued? that was a glorious motor car. i own a 1995 mazda 626 and i think it is the most precious ride on the streets. yeah, its kinda a hoopty now but i love it and refuse to part with it.is there some sort of club i can join for fans of the mazda 626?? i regret to inform you i will never be a fan of any other mazda vechicle like i am with the 626 (partically the 1995 model as i mentioned previously).
have a pleasent and enjoyable day!

Hello Dr. Lothringer,
Thank you for contacting Mazda. It's always a pleasure to read when a vehicle has exceeded a customer's expectations and it really seems that your 626 has done just that. I appreciate you taking the time to contact Mazda and advise about your experience with the vehicle and your recommendation to bring it back into the Mazda line up. Please rest assured that I have documented your suggest and it will be forwarded to the product development department. Thank you again and here's to many more miles in your 626!Zoom-Zoom!
Regards,
Jennifer Lofstrom
Customer Assistance, Specialist

Carls Jr

Hello Carls Jr
Why are you called Hardee's in some states. thats silly. i wanted to tell you how much i love happy star, at least i believe that is his name. is there anywhere that i could locate and possibly purchase Carls Jr artwork featuring Mr. Happy Star? i think it would make my home complete. beyond that bring back paris hilton.
thats hot.
have a pleasent day!

Sunrise Senior Community

hello sunrise senior community,
i am a fan of your various properties. in fact i would like to make one my home. but i am only 22 years old. will this pose a problem? i sure hope not. i like bingo, light strolls, the golden girls, frank sinatra and dinner at 5pm. my grandmother used to live in a retirement community and she had a ball, and i believe it is the right enviroment for me.
let me know

Starbucks

Hello Starbucks,
I have been a fan of you Coffee Company ever since i saw Britney Spears enjoy a mocha frapuccino everyday. I figured "hey she's cool" i can be cool too. So thats where my store begins, I have been to countless Starbuck Loacations in Las Vegas as well on the way to Los Angeles. But i have to be honest i think i like Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf better. sorry. I think you should Roll Out new ideas to get me interested again.
thank you and may all your dreams come true

Flamingo Hotel and Casino

I just wanted to say how much i enjoy your hotel and casino. You probally do not know this but Flaminos are my favorite animal. They really should be everyones favorite due to the fact that they are simply majestic. Let me compliment you on the paradise garden buffet. Its amazing i can Watch Flamingos in action while i dine. the food is rather lackluster but the view more then makes up for it. as i recall the flamingo friends used to have penguin neighbors, i believe the penguins packed up and moved to dallas. is this true? do what you can to bring them back. i hope one day i can get married at your amazing hotel with all its pink goodness.BRING BACK MR LAS VEGAS! WAYNE NEWTON!
have a lovely day!

Wayne Newton Online Store

Dear Wayne Newton Online Store,
I think you have made my dreams come true! My god the selection of products featuring Wayne Newtons angelic face is absolutly astounding. I dont even know where to start! Do you work with Mr. Newton personally? becuase if you do you are a lucky lucky person.
If you see Wayne send him my regards.

Bruce Campbell

I would first off like to say how much I enjoy and cherish the movies Bruce Campbell has been in. They are brilliant in my eyes. I recently watched 'My Name is Bruce' and let me tell you if I had 6 thumbs they all would be up right now. I am truly surprised you have not been up for Academy Awards, and I mean this with all seriousness. Evil Dead and Army of Darkness were 2 of the best films to ever be created. I own a painting with Bruce holding the chainsaw. I mean really any movie that has a painting deserves an academy award. Lets cut to the chase Bruce, you are amazing and a dream boat. kudos sir. kudos.

Saddle Creek Records

Hello Saddle Creek Records,
Boy, am i a fan. I want to visit omaha just for you.i love cursive, and bright eyes and criteria and the good life, oh i could just go on and on.
Can someone tell mr. oberst to make a new bright eyes album? please. i knwo he has the mystic river valley band thing but its not the same.
Also tell tim kasher that he made a truely fantastic new cursive album but id like a new good life one. Oh and dont forget to tell him that Cursive puts on the best show west of the mississippi.
i dont really have much else to say. keep putting out amazing music and make my indie dreams come true!

hi heidi. yes, there are plans for another bright eyes record but not anytime in the near future. it will happen though.
cheers,
sc

Geico

hello geico,
first off i do not own a car or home so i have no real use for your product. but it is comforting to know that when i move into that trailer park you'll be here for me.
i find the gecko to be quite charming. the money with eyes however is quite alarming. i feel as if he is mocking me since i do think "somebodys watching me".
i also just discovered the geico online store, and let me tell you it is precious!
have a great day!

SoBe

hello SoBe,
i just discovered that sobe means South Beach. wow! i learn something new everyday. i really enjoy your sobe lean drinks becuase i am deathly afraid of becoming obese. i enjoy being petite and svelt.
lets take a moment to discuss your advertising tactics. those commercials with the dancing football players need to stop. they are bananas and they drive me up the wall.
finally lets talk about the lizard. he looks like the geico lizard zombified. its alarming to say the least!
have a super day & may all your dreams come true

Campbells

You really deserve a standing ovation for your soup, I mean really. You have the best soup in the world. Healthy Choice and Progresso is really crap compared to your fantastic brand. I have eaten soup almost everyday since I was 4, I am 22 now so you know I have been a valued customer. Your Chicken Gumbo, Chicken Vegetable, and Chicken Alphabet have to be my favorite. What a mixture of delights in those soups. I just want to praise you for your continued success in soups. I believe I own all of the Campbell soup cups with the little kids on it. They are really the cutest....well kind of creepy, but all in all amazing. You need to bring them back for an appearance. I haven’t seen them in years.

Corvette Club of America

Hello Corvette Club of America,
I find your little car club to quite fascinating. Its amazing! Infact i would like to join! How does one go about obtaining a membership to such a prestigous club? Is it required that i own a Corvette, becuase if thats the case then i am in quite a pickel seeing as i do not currently or plan to own a Corvette. Let me know your thoughts about my pending membership.
thank you and have the most pleasent of days.

Heidi Lothringer

Mama Celeste Pizza

Hello Mama Celeste,
good god do you make a great pizza. yummy in my tummy! in fact hold on i am gonna go stick one in the microwave. i have no less then 4 mama celeste pepperoni pizzas in my freezer at any given time. i first discovered mama celeste from my grandma, she made them for me every friday night. i looked forward to it. now as an adult i can have them everynight if i wish, although now i prefer them for lunch! i just wish they were easier to find. thank you for never trying to create a "new & improved" pizza. keep it classic!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Corona

happy cinco de mayo corona,
i am sure y'all have the day off this being a holiday and all. i wanted to send praise for a fantastic product. i have enjoy a large amount of corona in my day and they have all been a delight. never would i think a lime would compliment a drink so well. there is no beer i enjoy while by the pool more then yours.
have a fantastic day

Red Bull

Hello Red Bull
i wanted to compliment you on a fantastic product! but there is one thing that is not fantastic about it, as i am sure you can guess, i am talking about the price.
beyond that however you make a simply fantastic product even though it does not give me wings. although sometimes it makes me reallly sleepy. do you know why that is??
please tell me.

Hot Topic

Hello Hot Topic,
I was a Hot Topic Employee many moons ago. merchandise has improved a great deal since. well no, thats a lie, for a while it got really bad. you can't honestly tell me people wish to obtain a shirt with Harry Potters face on it. but lately its been rockin. in fact i got a sweet kanye west shirt the other day. y'all are a little behind on the scene queen thing but thats okay becuase now i am too old for it. i have noticed that you now have outlet stores. these stores are stuffed to the max with the harry potter products which just proves that i am right. but an outlet store is a great idea nontheless becuase i am poor and like a good deal.
have a super day.

Buffalo Wild Wings

Buffalo wild wings
I would just like to compliment you on your amazing franchise. My fiancé insists we go to Buffalo Wild Wings every week. I obviously never say no. It is brilliant and your food is really A+. I would like to commend you on your fantastic and savory flavors of wing sauce. They make my mouth water. Also you have a fantastic selection of beers, except my one concern is that you always have Pabst Blue Ribbon on the beer menu and surprise surprise you never have it at your locations. I am a little Tiffed about this seeing as PBR is my favorite beer next to New Castle which you do carry. If I could I would have Buffalo Wild Wings cater my wedding.

Jack In The Box

Hello Mr. Box,
i am glad to see you are okay, for a while it seemed as if you were gonna bite the dust! close one!
I really enjoy that you have fries of both the straight and curly variety. i often have to order both becuase i am unable to choose one.
i do not however understand the tacos. but whatever thats your thing my mom says they are good. i just dont think i can get on that band wagon.
have a great day!

Excalibur Hotel & Casino

Hello Excalibur,
i wanted to tell you how much i adore your hotel and casino. In fact when i was a young child, I thought your hotel was disneyland, wait this is a horrible example, due to the fact that i was let down to find out it was not disneyland. moving on, i have stayed in your retro-chic rooms and let me tell you the castle view that you get from each room is quite a treat. i also found the water slide to be a hoot. in fact if i had any money i would book another room sinply for the joy brought to me by the water slide.
have a fantastic day!

Red Robin

hello red robin friends,
i have been to your dining establishment many many times. am i losing my coconuts or are y'all raising prices all over the menu? $10 for a burger? i'm on unemployment y'all so this ain't gonna fly.
but on a lighter note i find your mascot "red" to be adorable. you should create a line of t-shirts with him on them, i would buy one.have a fantastic day and thank you for addressing this vital issue.


Dear Heidi,
On behalf of Red Robin, we appreciate you sharing your concerns about our current prices and we will definitely take your feedback into careful consideration. Unfortunately, there are many economic pressures out of our control that have resulted in us having to take a price increase. As a company, Red Robin has always taken great pride in delivering the highest-quality food and beverages in an unmatched, fun dining experience. We focus on providing generous portion sizes and offer both "bottomless" steak fries and soft drinks, including our signature Freckled Lemonade & flavored limeades. Please know that your business is extremely important to us and we truly hope that you will reconsider Red Robin when making your decision to dine out. Thank you again for taking the time to provide us with your comments,
Jennifer

Furrs

I live in Las Vegas , NV and you used to have your establishment here. There are no longer any Furr's resturants here and I am asking the question all Nevadans want to know...why? Furr's was the best, sure it was mostly enjoyed by the older crowd but when i was a wee one I enjoyed it very much. My Grandfather used to eat there everyday, and you take that away from him?!?! You have broken his and my heart. I miss your delicious Jello. Please bring your resturants back to Las Vegas . You are well missed and appreciated here.


Dear Eva: Thank you so much for contacting us….Furr’s was purchased by new owners several years ago and we are now building Furr’s Fresh Buffets. We are looking for likely places to open a restaurant and at some time we may come back to Las Vegas . We have our next few building sites already mapped out but I can assure you that we take all contacts seriously and we would love to have you and your grandfather enjoy our food again.
Again, thank you for letting us know .
Regards,
Barbara Yule

Monday, May 4, 2009

Franzia Boxed Wine

Hello Franzia Boxed Wine,
I just wanted to tell you I enjoy your product a great deal. It has been the perfect compliment to many many memorible evenings. I am partically fond of the sunset blush variety. mmmm what a treat. may i ask how did someone think of putting wine in a box? its genius & portable.
stand up and take a bow.

Sanrio

Hello Sanrio & Friends,
i am a Hello Kitty nut. i cannot lie about this. In fact i love the entire Sanrio army. but unfortunatly, lately y'all have been severly lacking in the creativity department. I believe i know why, you licenced your sweet characters to too many people. Hello Kitty is everywhere and not in a good way. Hello Kitty is the new Barbie and we all know Barbie failed to those slut Brat dollz. I really dont want to see a skanky Hello kitty. i really dont.
but while i am at it, bring back keroppi, he was cool. Deary Lou & My Melody need more attention as well.

p.s. Does Sanrio still manufature Harajuku Lovers????

WE tv

Hello We TV
i dont know alot about your channel, i am not gonna lie. i actaully just discovered it on digital cable when i became enraged that i dont get NBA TV. thats not important, i want to applaud your choice to add "the Golden Girls" to your otherwise lackluster lineup. However, i must ask are you in someway affliated with "Hallmark Channel" becuase you show the EXACT same episodes of GG that they do. Seriously, i just saw all these episodes yesterday on Hallmark. But there is nothing else on so i guess i'll watch it again.
can you tell me if y'all are planning on adding anymore sitcoms to spice up the channel? i suggest you do. may i suggest "The Nanny" or perhaps "Roseanne". just think about it.

Lifetime television for women

I would first off like to say how disappointed I am to see that The Nanny was taken off a while ago. I was heartbroken, but I like Frasier so I went on with my life. Even though Frasier is not a show for women, so I am a little Tiffed to see it on the 'Womens Network.' But now you have taken away one of the shows I love the most, 'The Golden Girls,' and for what!? 'Still Standing' and 'Reba?' My first opinion about 'still standing' is that I have seen every episode because you replay the same ones over and over again, and with Reba. The Golden Girls I understand is an older show and yes I have seen every episode but it is a classic and even watching re-runs is like watching it for the first time. I dont understand why it went to Hallmark, what other good show is on there? NOTHING! At least replace the morning shows with Wife Swap so I have something at least interesting to watch instead of this Reba garbage. I dont know if I will continue watching you network in the mornings due to poor choices in shows. If you do not bring The Golden Girls back, just please do not put Army Wives on there, I hate that show and I would rather watch CNN for 6 days straight then that. My vote is Wife Swap and Desperate Housewives, I am at work when those shows air. Please bring my friends Dorthy, Rose, Blanche, and Sophia back to Lifetime.

Best Buy

Hello "best buy"
seriously how can you call yourselves "best buy". maybe "convenient buy" but "best buy" is a flat out LIE. it alarms me how high your prices have become. for gods sake i am on unemployment i cant spare the extra dollars you needlessly charge. also, i might add, you employ the mentally incompatant. i have never had question answered in store with out the employee that is being asked said question consulting 15 other employees ultimatly to come up with no answer at all.
furthermore can you explain why online prices are differant from instore prices. come one like the consumer wouldnt notice!
i look forward to your responce. have a nice day

Goldfish

Hello Goldfish Crackers!
i love the fishes cuz they're so delicious. got goldfishes? no i dont. thats what we need to talk about. I am absolutly in love with Parmesan Goldfish, but they are really hard to find. for about 6 months last year i was under the impression that they were discontinued. luckly, i found them again. Why is the Parmesan variety so hard to come by? you can't honestly tell me people like the Pizza Flavored ones. come on, get real.
by the way, does the NBA sponser the goldfish? i like the NBA & Goldfish so what a great pair!
i really found alot of amusement with your website. its absolutly precious.


Ms Heidi Lothringer, we received your message and appreciate your taking the time to contact Pepperidge Farm o inquire about our Pepperidge Farm Parmesan Goldfish Baked Snack Crackers.
We would be more than happy to run a search to find what stores are carrying the Pepperidge Farm Parmesan Goldfish Baked Snack Crackers, in order to do that, please reply to this email with your complete mailing address. We would also like to include a complimentary coupon to acknowledge your loyalty to Pepperidge Farm as well as the Pepperidge Farm Parmesan Goldfish Baked Snack Crackers.
We appreciate your interest in our company. Please contact our Consumer Response Center or visit the Pepperidge Farm website if we can be of further assistance.
Thank you for visiting the Pepperidge Farm website.

Long John Silver

Hello Friends at Long John Silver
i really enjoy the L4 (popcorn shimp) it is delicious. but what is that bisquet-esqe ball i recieve with it?? it tastes odd.
i really like your fish mascot! what a cutie!
however as funny as i find "throwing boring overboard" i do not enjoy your commercial. they are irratating

KFC

hello Kfc, i wanted to tell you that i have been consuming the 3 strip meal since 1992. recently however you have choosen to stick it in a box and call it some sort of "lunch box meal" thats cool. what i dont understand is why you are forced to have the drink with it? I like to have this "box" for dinner, i also enjoy an ice cold coors light with dinner, which you do not currently offer. so therefore i do not have any need for a cherry pepsi. i'll still pay the $4 for the "box" but I DO NOT WANT THE DRINK! one of the employees can have my drink, i dont care.
also, i didn't want to bring it up, but i feel i must. the chicken strips are always differant sizes. sometimes they are quite petite while other times hearty. its not okay.
have a pleasent day and thank you for taking the time to adress this matter

Kids Cuisine

I would like to congratulate you on keeping my business well into adult hood. I adore your fantastic meals, except for the corn because come one who really wants to eat corn drenched in water? It is really putrid. You should fix this ASAP. But that is really my only complaint about your divine meals. They may say KIDS cuisine, but I really think it is for all ages. I commend you on your service

Marie Calanders

Hello Marie Calenders!
my mama told me that she made the "sweedish meatball" fozen entree for lunch and was horribly disatisfied. i will not eat such product becuase i find the name obscene. lets get to the point, this frozen entree didnt even look good and she was not pleased with the final outcome. furthermore has the "grilled chicken & mashed potatos" frozen dinner been discontinued? i am unable to find it in stores. now, i have nothing for dinner. i enjoy that delicious creation almost everynight. now i am left confused and hungry.
why?

thank you for taking the time to adress this important matter. have the most enjoyable of days.

Brody Jenner

Dear Mr. Jenner,
I have some concerns with you. My first concern is why you dont have a dating show on MTV, my lovely friend Heidi would suit you well. You need to get on that. But instead of going to MTV go to VH1, because really you are way too old for MTV now. VH1 is where you belong. My second concern is why you dress in 90's gear. I understand flashy colors are where it is at now-a-days, but really? Your hairstyle is not "off the chain." The really only good thing I can say about your look is the TCB tattoo, bravo sir, bravo. Have you ever noticed you have a striking resemblance to Ken, you know Barbie's main man? That is basically you. Odd. Gives you something to think about. Well anywho. Please review my requests and concerns.

Vitamin Water

Hello Vitamin Water Family,
I used to be upset about the high calorie content of your delicous product. But you fixed that with VitaminWater10. nice work. how you managed to get caffiene in water i'll never know. It beings out the lion in me!
Lets talk about the price $1.59 for one bottle? who are you kidding? i am on unemployment i dont have the money for these kids of luxuries. y'all got coupons????


dear heidi,
thank you for contacting us regarding your positive experience with vitaminwater10.
we appreciate your feedback and love hearing from consumers who have truly embraced our products as well as our personality and are experiencing the benefits of drinking better water.
our mission is to provide you with something healthier to drink that's free of artificial sweeteners, chemical preservatives and other ingredients that are hard to pronounce.
coupons are not available at this time. however, we are working with retailers to offer promotions for this product. keep your eyes pealed.
thank you for your feedback. it helps us maintain the highest standards for better water.
thank you again, and remember to hydrate responsibly!
sincerely,

mike
consumer relations representative
glacĂ©au vitaminwater®, vitaminwater10™, and smartwater®

Subway: eat fresh

Aw Subway, where do I begin with you. I would like to tell you how much I cherish your delicious food. Your Mayo is probably the best thing to have ever grace my mouth. I really hope you never change your company and switch to a normal mayo. I would be heartbroken and would probably cry myself to sleep for the rest of my days. I want to also thank you for everything that you do Subway, my fiancé gets upset with me because I want to eat at your magical establishment everyday. Thank you for numerous Scrumptious meals I have cherished.

Hallmark channel

Hello Hallmark Channel,
Even though I am still distressed over Lifetime: television for women, dumping the "Golden Girls" I am pleased you gave them a home. Lets cut to the chase, you show the same episodes over and over. Please stop doing that. Golden Girls has 7 glorious seasons you have a variety of episodes to choose from. I know this becuase i have all 7 seasons on DVD. Well, then why do i care what episodes y'all show? becuase my DVD player doesnt work.

P.s. do people really watch "little house on the prarie"?

Cheetos

hello friends at frito-lay,
i heard about a product called "strawberry cheetos" today. my understanding is that it is only available in japan. what can you tell me about this? is this "strawberry cheeto" product some sort of cheese/ strawberry hybrid? what other curious products do you offer?

p.s. i regret to inform you that cheetos.com is very annoying. make it stop.
have a nice day, and thank you for taking the time to look into this matter.

Taco Bell

Hello friends at Taco Bell,
I would like to thank you for 39 cent taco sunday! wowzers! As you probally do not know, since you clearly have a job becuase you are reading this email, unemployment checks do not go far. As you can probally tell i am over joyed by all the value!however i think you should bring back the dog mascot from the mid-90s. he was amazing.
have a super day!
if you care, i really like coupons.